Care and Connection During Covid:
For Our Families, Tips on Navigating a Difficult Time with Care and Compassion…
What Do We Do? We Love Our Mom/Dad/ So Much…But We Can’t See Them!
I remember when my mom had a stroke that was serious enough to have her spend time in a nursing home. I felt awful as I was leaving…I watched her in her wheelchair go back to her room. “I just cannot believe she is in here”, I thought to myself. Oh well, I would just come back tomorrow and maybe bring along a little gift for her, that would cheer her up! I left thinking of what we would do when I came back. Maybe I would give her a manicure, that was something she would really enjoy!
Fast forward into 2020, and the landscape for visitation during the COVID-19 pandemic has completely changed how we visit our loved ones in long term care. When my mom was in a community, we could come and go at our leisure. We could visit everyday at anytime. We could bring gifts, food, stay as long as we wanted. Now, loved ones have to make an appointment to visit, for not longer than 20 minutes, with a mask on, no hugging, etc. Wow!! Things have really changed. So how to we make sure our loved one is cared for? How do we make them feel connected? And when will this all go back to normal?
Here is some of my best advice…not only as a long term care administrator, but as a daughter. (Keep in mind that I have an Assisted Living and Nursing Home Administrator’s License to operate in Ohio only)
Most communities require advanced notice of a visit. They have to adhere to guidelines for cleaning the visitation area and screening all visitors. Usually, each resident is allowed one visitor per day, for approximately 20 minutes. It is not ideal, but to make the most of the visit, be sure to plan. Often times, items that we want to give our loved ones have to be “quarantined” for 24 hours prior to delivery to the resident. If you have something to share with your loved one, ask the community if you can drop the item off for the 24 hour period before your visit. For example, if you want to give your loved one a photo album, have it at the building the day before. Go over the pictures, and enjoy some great conversation! You can leave the photo album with them and they can enjoy the pictures later on! Want to play a quick game of cards? Same rule applies.
Do you want your loved one to feel involved in your life? Great…but use caution. Many well meaning visitors want to keep parents/grandparents up to date on everything happening. It is not helpful to cause more stress on your parent with the hardships you may be going through. There is nothing they can do to help, and they will naturally want to help you, and cannot during this time. This can cause anxiety for them. Did you lose your job during the pandemic? Maybe leave that out of the conversation. Did the job loss give you more time to pursue other interests? Try to focus on the positive instead. In the long run, you will be glad you did.
Remember life before texting? Even now, my dad gets so mad when I answer a text when we are together. Where dad thinks it’s rude, I think it saves time. He asked me, “Why don’t you just call whoever the hell you are typing on that damn thing to?” I said, “This is quicker.” Dad replied, “Well, maybe the person wants to hear from you.” Cue the tears…he was right. When possible, try to call your loved one. Yes, a text is quicker and more convenient (IF they are tech savvy), but it is always nice to hear someone’s voice. Even now, I still listen to my mom’s old voicemails. (She passed away in June of 2019) And who doesn’t love hearing from friends and family?
I love to write. I will write about anything, its so enjoyable to see thoughts and ideas on paper. You know who else loved getting mail? Your loved one. They are from a generation where letter writing was not only appreciated, but expected. I remember not writing a thank you note 10 years ago and still haven’t heard the end of it!! A letter or greeting card doesn’t have to be long, a quick “thinking of you” is always appreciated. Residents always tell me when they get a card (of any kind in the mail). They can even re-read it, and know they are being thought of. I can assure you, that card is proudly displayed in their room/apartment.
Speaking of writing, how about a journal that goes from you to your loved one? When my friends and I were in high school, we thought we were so slick. We had a notebook we would pass to each other and write notes to each other in it. We would fill up notebook after notebook. It was so much fun to look back at past notes to each other, we would always have a good laugh about it. You can do the same with your parent/grandparent/aunt. Even have the kids draw and send notes. I can promise, this will be something you will treasure.
I hope you find some of these ideas helpful. Feel free to submit what has worked for you and we will add to our blog! Thank you for taking time to read our blog and being a part of the Insider’s Insight Care Community!!
Coming Next Week….”Care And Connection with Memory Impaired Residents”
With Thanks,
Stephanie Hovan Chambers MS, LNHA, CDP, CEAL (Ohio)
Founder, Insider’s Insight